Split Second (1992)

Hello Moofie Review Fans!

After the horror and agony of You've Got Mail, We're now reviewing something which doesn't make us violently ill!

Split Second is a B movie gem featuring the wonderfully insane and talented Rutger Hauer, and interestingly enough has Kim Cattrall... hmmm.

The movie is an interesting mix of Horror, Action, Thriller and is, despite being a B-Movie, a relatively well made movie with an interesting plot..

It's the future, and thanks to global warming, the world is being covered in water, not to the lengths that they are in Costner's "Waterworld", but basically, London, is flooded. The flooding has increased Londons Rat problems (hard to believe, they're are already a ton of them apparently in the underground system), and other then that, the future more or less looks plain and fairly mundane. Ironically this isn't a negative thing, since it's 2011 and things more or less look the same as they did during the 90's.. unlike Back to the future's portrayal of our future (Shame really, could really use a Hover Car...).

Ironically the year of the movie is 2008, and after some creepy music & some text explaining things, we see a hover craft tearing it up over the thames river, with a score which is equal parts Terminator & well.. something else I can't put my finger on... It's total B-Movie class though, over dramatized and very cool in a bad way...

We then cut to our hero... Stone! Rutger Hauer wearing quasi-futuristic boots and leather, armed to the hilt, and wearing shades of course!

Stone drives around, the music blares, and we hear something about rats on the radio... plot point? naaah...

Anyways, he pulls up and sucks on a cigar, and we then hear a heart beating away. Stone walks to the nearby club where there seems to be some naughty dancing going on... Said naughty dancer isn't exactly a stunner mind you...

After toying around with said dancer, Stone orders Coffee at a strip club, then makes a phone call, whilst a hot blonde goes for a wee...

The heart beating builds, the dog barks, stone wants his "Fucking Coffeeee", and we see the blonde woman looking terrified before screaming. Stone tears away from the jiggly boobie fest, and bursts into the toilet to find her on the floor with her chest torn open.. wow.. Good effects too.. Kinda...

There's "I'm Back" written in blood on the mirror... Hmmm... Plots really thickening up.... Guess this isn't going to be a boring B-Movie Schlock fest...

After some more interesting plot about his partners death, we find out that "He's the best.."

Stone throws a fit, then makes a coffee with half a pound of sugar... and bumps into uber actor Pete Postlethwaite!

Stone sits with the cheif and gets chewed out, and is introduced to Detective Dick Derkin..............yep.... Dick.....Derkin.... After an amusing run down of Stone's arsenal, and Rutgers humerous delivery of his lines, he steps out and receives a package, a big metal case... Hmmm...

In true Jack The Ripper style, they open the chest to find it full of ice, with the girls heart, with a sizable chunk bitten out of it..... I gotta say this is kicking ass....

Stone goes back to the crime scene, and lays on the floor, as the owner comes along with a sawn off shotgun, and they exchange pleasantries.. After which it seems the killer has struck again, so Stone & Dick Derkin (lol...) race in their police jeeps to the scene of the crime. They arrive and find another poor sap with their chest ripped open (nicely done gore), Stone knows the time of death, answers a question of Derkin, before blowing away a big assed rat, and staining Dick's suit.

Then Stone finds his partners Gun, and then they notice the ceiling has occult symbols scrawled all over with blood. Stone mentions that the killer must be 10 feet tall to have stood on the bed and painted it... Creepy...

Ater a run-in with Stone's Buddy, he looks at the imprint of the teeth, and boy are they creepy...certainly not human teeth. Stone suffers an obvious panic attack, then screams "show your face!!" then weirdly shouts out "Foster!" before firing off some rounds in the air. The cops come and point their pistoles at him, Derkin backs them off, and then we hear the hearbeating and heavy breathing....

The pacing thus far is pretty neat.

Back at the station Derkin tries to get info from Stone, which proves futile initially since Stone's not a charmer.

They go to the shooting range, where stone proceeds to shoot the shit out of a wooden target. Derkin talks police babble about theories, then Stone calls the killer a beast, and shows Derkin the Mould of the killers teeth.

Stone ditches Derkin by throwing his Lex Lugar keys into the water, and goes to the London Necropolis, where Kim Cattral is there, wearing a raincoat and it seems, pretty much nothing else (oooo Yeah!). The conversation between the two is... very... well... Let's just say as much as I like Kim, it's obvious she doesn't get cast in movies for her acting chops... None the less she's a pleasant touch to the movie.

We see Stone's apartment, and in true hero on the edge fashion, it's a shithole... Stone and Kim (her name's michelle but I prefer Kim!) talk minor plot points, mentioning Foster's mother & whatnot.

Stone falls asleep.. then for some reason... The melody from "Knights in White Satin" from the moody blues is played in the score... Admittedly it's neat, but ultimately is somewhat confusing...

Cut to the flashback scene#1, which doesn't reveal much, then Stone wakes up with a pigeon on his head...lol....

Stone steps out, and in true hero fashion, ties a sleeping Derkings shoes together, then sounds his siren, so Dick tumbles out and gets wet... Childish.. but frankly, very amusing! As is the bantar they have ("Dirken.. That's Disgusting..."...lol. Stone hears the hearbeat but ignores it, and the killer slashes the boot of his car where a big gun is stored.

Kim wakes up, uncovers a motorocycle in his apartment, then eats a chocolate that's plastered onto the fridge.

Then Stone and Dirken get breakfast in a bar... where... the original "Knights in white satin" is playing in the background.....WTF?!... what is it with that song in relation to this movie exactly?

Stone wolfs down an unhealthy & greasy but obviously tasty english breakfast, and whilst he's doing that Kim gets her clothes off and takes a shower, whilst the killer takes the gun, and heads into his apartment.

Stone passes the rest of his breakfast to Oxford boy Dick Derkin, and they talk  about occulty type stuff. We then see Kims Boobies in the shower (nice...).

They finally get a call of an intruder at Stone's place and get there quickly, to hear a scream. Stone storms in to find his bike running, after the tension builds and he goes to shower and rips it open to find a naked Kim (SHOCK! HORROR!).... Her screams being to the water getting cold...ok... show us your npples as proof!

They hear another scream, and storm the apartment, Well dick does, in lethal weapon fashion, ignoring Stone's count, and for some stupid reason running inside and then standing like a lemon. Poor old Derking is blown out the window by the killer who we see for a split second (ha ha), holding Stone's shotgun.

All I can say is that is one hell of a shotgun, the blast sends Dick flying through the window... Which in all honesty, a point blank blast would do, although it would probably rip you into two pieces in the process.

The killer is able to run through doors, and seems to be black and shadowy, very cool. The cut here though is a bit awkward, and stone finds a corpse in the bathroom. Kim walks in crying, said killer or monster bit her on the shoulder!

Outside they take Kim and the corpse, and Stone tells the medics that the killer used his hands to rip open the girls chest, how he'd know that, well, we don't know. Either way its no big deal, he starts to hyper-ventilate and has a full blown anxiety attack.

We cut to the rest of Stone's dream,  Foster falls into the floor, and out of where he fell, a huge black thing emerges from the floor and whizzes by, then scrapes his arm.. I guess that's how he knew he used his hands with the girl... the scar on his arm is quite nasty. Dick mentions to him (yes he's alive, as he points out, cops do actually wear bullet proof vests) that's how he has the physic link with the killer.

After smacking good old Oxford boy in the face, he talks to Foster's buddy who tells him the gun had traces of rat disease, and Foster's prints. They have a tense moment together, until the chief calls him into his office. Chief asks Stone how he unloaded a clip at the Killer, and yet he's still alive... Derkin comes in with a bad look on his face. They talk about DNA and how the Killer has the DNA of all of it's Victims, and Rat DNA too.

Derkin mentions to Stone that DNA stealing Rat Killer didn't get the heart of it's last victim, and they run to the morgue (Out of my way you FUCKS!).

The morgue is full of nasty bodies... and we're treated to the thumping heartbeat sound. Derkin closes in on the killer, only to find another uptight posh Oxford Boy... Seems like going to Oxford is a waste of time if you want to land a good job. They find a note from him, and blood dripping, then the ceiling starts to wiggle about... Then it crashes down and runs around at inhuman speed, ripping through a steel door!!!

At this point Dick loses his shit, and mentions that they need to get bigger guns... "Big Fucking Guns!"... It's quite amusing to say the least... Dick drinks a coffee, and Stone gives him some chocolate and asks him if he really does get laid every night.

They hit the armory, and run through what's available. After some crappy guns, Derkin picks an "assault shotgun fully automatic"...arrr... it's basically a minigun, 650 rounds a minute... Because that's exactly the kind of weaponry a police armory should stock.

They take two and some explosives (crowd control obviously...). Derkin rants on about nonsensical plot points, and the chief finds them walking around with Miniguns. Derkin rants more about it being the year of the Rat, and the Chief isn't amused... Especially when Dirken mentions something about the being merging with Evil and the ultimate evil is Satan. The chief then pronounces them as "Both fucking nuts"... then rants.... and finishes with "The Pair of Pricks!!"....Genius!

They go to Stone's and have coffee, or they plan to, until Stone opens the fridge and finds the womans heart on a plate... Killer really knows how to piss anxiety driven people off! lol....

They find Kim washin in the tub, because she touched the heart for some stupid reason.. Then we're treated to another lousy plotpoint (Foster's mother killed herself.. who gives a crap..)... We hear "Knights in white satin" again in the score.....WTF X 3! Then Kim passionately calls out for "Harley"... Yep... Stone... Harley Stone.... What did you expect?

Derkin mentions that the bite means that she belongs to the killer, and then he goes outside...

Stone goes out to find Dick, and wanders around and finds his glasses. He comes back to the car, and finds him tied up in the car bleeding. The suspense at this point isn't doing much for the movie, since it's obvious the killer is more interested in mind games, then actually killing any of the main characters here.

The mind games continue, as the Killer, for some weird reason is under her chair, and his hand or claw I guess, rips through the seat and he appears infront of her... Strangely enough, being faced with a 10 foot tall beast doesn't seem to scare our gal, and Kim shouts out "Rat bastard" and takes a shot point blank. They come in, She's not there, and Derkin blows the shit out of Stone's kitchen to kill a small Rat. Then Derkin passes out. He wakes up and we find the killer has carved the symbol for scorpio into his chest (the effect is pretty ridiculous, but what can you do...). Why it choose to do that as well is never really explained, when it could have just torn him into pieces, which is what we would come to expect.. But alas... let's just shut up and enjoy the flick....

They figure out the symbol is a map, linking the killings, and the tail, points to Cannon street, where his buddy Foster was first killed.... Elementary my dear Watson....

They find the eccentric Rat Catcher, and talk to him about goin to Cannon street, and how it seems like a bad idea because it's closed off and generally people do not return from there. They go and Derkin makes a stupid remark about how the Killer doesn't think it's Satan, and that it actually is Satan....arr.....ok....

They walk around and Derkin falls in the same way that Foster did, except he comes out just fine. They open a door, to find the Rat Catcher and his boy helper dead, and they fall to the floor....

Derkin looses his shit, and Stone tells him to listen to the heartbeat.... Come on Oxford boy, you're a smart man.. plus you have Big F$#King Guns!

We're treated to the same screaming sound we've heard throughout the film, and we find Kim hanging from her hands in the circle of light... Sadly she has her clothes on. She also seems to be in Blonde mode, either that or she was really high. She swings out of the circle, and creature bursts out of the water and tries to grab her. The next part is abit weird, as she runs ontop of the train, the creatures hand pierces through the top of the train, and slowly starts chasing after her...... Ummm... ok? Doesn't make much sense really, since it obviously could just jump up completely and catch her since it's so damn fast, why insist on further mind games? Ultimately though the effect of the hand is kinda creepy and chilling...

They open fire with the unusual sounding miniguns ( I would think something with that rate of fire would actually sound like its firing that many bullets!), and the Killer does a swan dive into the next train part.

Stone enters and sees that the next part of the train is in total darkness, not being the stupid type though he decides to open fire, only to find out he's run out of ammo (what?! heroes NEVER run out of ammo!)

In what is a truly confusing moment of the movie, Stone peaks in, turns around and says "Foster" for the second time in the movie... Seriously, what's with that? Anyways, a gust of wind blows.. Then the creature emerges, and eerily places it claw on his head, and removes his glasses, and then creepily rips his ammunition harness, and chases after him, tripping him over (what a low blow..) then stops for some reason when Stone points his "empty" minigun at him...... Dirken shoots at the ground and the killer moves back,and throws in a grenade.. Rutger lets off a one liner, and dives out. It explodes and Harley kisses kim... Because obviously that's the perfect time to be thinking about doing the nasty.. whilst killing the devil.. or whatever the heck that thing...

Stone then grabs a power cable, walks up to the train  puts the cable in, and says relax pal, to the injured creature. Dirken flips the switch and sparks fly about, and then he switches it off, and the creature lunges out of the train and is about to stab Stone's heart out... that is until stone looks weirdly at it, somehow overpowers it (Yes... Rutger Hauer over powers a 10 foot tall brick shit house rat mutant who's supposedly the devil), and then punches his hand into it's chest kano style (WTF?!), and rips out it's heart. Dirken wastes it with the "minigun", and then Stone pulls out his handgun, and blasts the still beating heart...which is in his hand (I guess he's not worried about Muzzle flash or anything like that..)

They walk off... and then we see bubbles from the water, hinting at something....That perhaps, it's not dead.. or there's another... or god knows what...

They ride in a speeboat as Dirkin Narrates some nonsense about the forces of darkness, and Stone tells him to shut up! (thanks Rutger!)

The End

Conclusion:

This movie certainly deserves it's cult classic status. The actor roster is impressive to say the least, and everyone's doing the best they can with the hammy script.. especially Rutger, who seems to be actually enjoying it if anything.... After all, he is more or less right at home with this kinda thing.

Also, Despite the budget, the movie captures a certain futuristic vibe that isn't forced, and is believe able, which in my book is always a plus (make the most of what you can with what you can).

The killer is pretty damn cool, although the design of the head is abit peculiar.. an interesting mixture of Aliens, a rat, and something else... And as I jokingly pointed out, in some shots, the mouth has a Venom-Esque grin to it, so with the all black and huge muscular appearance, I'm surprised no other reviewer has remarked on the uncanny resemblance.

I'm not sure whether the movies lack of an explanation of the creature is a good thing or a bad thing. Initially you think it's a person, then perhaps a mutated person from the disease they mention, then they hint at the supernatural.. but despite it's speed and power, there's nothing supernatural about it per say... I doubt Satan could have his ass handed to him by an out of shape guy with bad fashion sense... Then of course is the weirdness in that it's smart enough to do mind games, but also incredibly stupid at times.. There's hints that it's a Psycho toying with it's prey, but it's also clearly not human.. And more importantly, why would it toy with Stone, what's it's motivation?

Also confusing is Stone's calling of Fosters name not once, but twice, as if to hint the creature is actually Foster (which makes no sense since it killed him.. although we never actually see that.. we just see him fall down, and it rise up in his place, so I guess you could wonder about that), first time Stone calls out his name we attribute it to the anxiety.. Second time, in the subway he says it as if he saw or felt foster, then the wind blew, and the creature appears behind him, although this could have something to do with all that DNA business... or super natural stuff.. Although the monsters insistence of not killing Kim Cattrals character, and instead biting her, which apparently meant she belonged to it now, well, it certainly makes a person wonder.... I mean.. Stone knows Foster is dead... so why call out his name?? Sadly we'll never know, and if anything, that probably adds to the movies cult status.

The movie obviously suffers from some bad editing though, and some questionable shots, for example said beast is lightening fast... yet he wasn't able to jump out of the water and grab Kim Cattral in time? Why? Also One minute it's bursting through a wall, split second (no pun intended!) later we stone walking into the bloody bathroom with the corpse in the tub... Also the "Kano" punch to the chest ripping out the monsters heart scene was abit much.. how stone overpowered it is weird, as is the gaze he had just before he did it... Also... why is the creature, for the 4th time already not ripping him to shreds?? Where did that chest wound come from? And why is that when Dick came face to face with it when it had a shotgun, he didn't notice that it was a 10 foot tall Rat mutant with demonic claws? Kinda hard to miss really, especially since it's right infront of you about to blow you to pieces...

That itself is also something I never understood... Why would a Rat Mutant use a shotgun... or even know how to use a Shotgun? Which lends itself more to the theory of the human/disease hybrid thing I guess... I really don't know.. I'd love to sit down with the writer & director and pick at their brains about this stuff...

Overall, B-movie rating, 4 out of 5 stars.

Things I learned from this movie:

• The future is nothing special...
• The police allow people with anxiety and neurosis access to devastating weaponry
• Going to Oxford University is a waste of time....
• Kim Cattral has nice boobs for an older lady
• If ever faced with anything 4 times my size, I can simply over power it and rip its heart out
• Heroes do run out of ammo
• It's common for people to be scared $#%@less, then crack jokes and smile even though they're still in immediate danger from a monster that rips peoples hearts out of their chests
• Don't rip peoples hearts out of their chests, because Karma is a bitch!