Welcome to another Moofie Reviews review!
After reviewing the horrible The Mist
we decided to review another absolute train wreck of a movie..
Tom does a similar thing when his girlfriend leaves... And logs into his AOL and reads Meg's email.. I mean really.. you'd think they were looking at porn or something, it's just email for %#@$ sake..... god damn this movie just started and it's already thicker then poo....
Tom arrives and talks to his buddy Dave Chappelle (he must have lost a bet, or really needed the money!), and they talk about some corporate crap and cappuccinos... Because you know... Corporate types love Cappuccinos and talking about business.... Good lord....
Dave... Why on earth did you agree to be in this movie.. You don't even get to say Mother#$@%er!
Anyways, Meg arrives at her wonderfully cute and lovingly quaint and old and ridiculous book store... and you just gotta love how they made the store look, it looks exactly like the kinda store a daft cow like Meg would run....
There's talk of Cyber-Sex... now Meg's helper is kinda cute, but I really do not want to envision, Meg, Dumbass, or Granny doing the deed on their laptop...
After that we cut to Tom and his wonderful corporate father... It's funny... Why are all rich successful people shown as being yuppies with no heart, self centered and totally shallow and material? Don't allot of these people pay money to charities and do good things with their money? Richard Branson for example? This scene is pretty lame to say the least... They talk about stores going out of business and how Meg's store is gonna go belly up once their "Fox" bookstore opens up...... Boo-Hoo....
Then we see Meg sending an email, writing about her useless existence and Butterflies... Then Tom does the same thing.... This part of the movie is typical Meg Ryan... useless.... absolutely useless.... Who wrote this bloody movie? Megs mother?
So we're 17 minutes into the movie, and I already wanna blow my brains out....
After some mindless banter with Megs cohorts, we cut back to her & her "boyfriend" (their relationship is more like brother and sister..), and they talk about stupid crap and argue about him buying a typewriter, because you know, it's oldschool, use a laptop mofo....
After another useless email from Meg (yes the woman has no life), we cut to Tom preparing his boat to try and escape the movie....
Then his step-mother comes along and initiates an incestuous kiss... yuck.. but in retrospect, better then kissing Meg's Mug....
Then we're treated to seeing Tom Hanks act like Tom Hanks from "Big" (Oh god I wish I was watching that now instead of this crap...), and take his kids to some nice festival market type thing in the streets. Of course they end up in Meg's fairyland bookstore, where she's reading a book to kids... and the kids are quietly listening.... I shit you not, they're all sitting dead quiet and listening... Since when do kids behave like this? Usually every 5 seconds you need to tell one to "Shad Daaa Fugg Up!!".....
Of course Tom's kids meet Meg, and we're treated to some weirdness, something about the girl being his Aunt, and the kid boy being his brother... The explanation for it is quite amazing... and the fact that Meg didn't laugh and tell him to get the $%#@ out is nothing short of a miracle....
Tom feels guilty of course because they nearly find out who he is (evil corporate destroyer of fairyland book stores!), and the scene is well... All I can say is Tom must have hit the vodka hard to get through that scene without asking these douches to consider a re-write.....
29 minutes into the movie... I can hear my brain cells screaming in agony......
The fox bookstore opens up, and you know what? It looks like a really nice store. Fresh cakes, merchandise, nice layout... Honestly, If I had to choose between the two, Meg's dusty fag store can burn in hell....
There's a huge flaw in the next scene, where Granny proclaims they made 1200 less that week then last year... now... Devils advocate here... what crappy dusty kids bookstore makes 1200 a week? I mean really.. If it were a general bookstore sure.. but kids bookstores in NY.. Do you guys really make around 1200 a week despite being tiny and outdated? ... Heck, do you still even exist?
The next scene of the movie is a no brainer. Meg and her Broth...er...Boyfriend go to a dinner party type thing and of course, Tom's there with his bitch... And of course they meet.. And Tom tries to avoid her finding out who he is...and Meg naturally finds out his name isn't just Joe..
The exchange between then when she finds out is flat out terrible... Tom deals with it like a tool... talks about the Godfather... And generally doesn't give a crap.. and Meg acts like Meg Ryan... Stupid... daft.. petty... and lame...
Then Meg lectures him about stealing caviar garnishes.. Ok... Shoot him! The Fiend!!!
#$%@ing shoot me too while you're at it...
Admittedly when he puts that stuck up cow in her place, it's actually quite gratifying & he certainly hit her over the head. Her brother comes along and so does Tom's Bitch, and well, the cliche here almost gave me Cancer...
Tom passes at having sex with his druggie bitch girlfriend, to send Meg an email about how horrible he felt about telling Meg what a tool she is.... Seriously...
The email exchanges in this movie are painful... they sound like IM, not Email.. and seriously... AOL had Instant Messaging capability, they didn't need to exchange mindlessly useless emails of crap...
The following scenes are so lame I'm not even going to acknowledge their existence in this review...
Tom hanks charms Rose the bitchy checkout girl... because Meg's a total idiot and nobody likes her.. Which is followed by Tom's aunt singing, and his step mother trying to molest him.... Seriously... What the heck is going on here..... Is that supposedly funny? Kids singing badly and incest supposed to make me chuckle?
We then see Meg & her douche bag comrades enjoying Thanksgiving together..... This movie is giving me Gas... I wish I could bottle it up & send it to the writers (Drink my fart you bitches!!)
The next scene more or less makes you realize how stupid this movie is... Tom IM's her.. and they have a conversation via IM, which is more or less the same as their EMAILS.....yawn...... The conversation is daft.. lame...crap... and in all honesty, there was not one mention of Boobies....at all (which never happens in IM...).
The crap that goes on is stupid and once again... Cliche... Why god do I have to watch this??
Finally she asks him to meet, because she's going bankrupt (MUAHAHAAHA!), and Tom and Dave go for a stroll to the place he's going to meet her. And Dave notes that it just happens to be Meg Ryan...
After seeing that, Tom decides to do the smart thing and run home & avoid sitting with that god awful actress... Yes Meg, you're alone, and nobody likes you... You smell!!!
Then Tom for some stupid reason decides to walk in, and sit with her. We're glad he does, because she acts like a totally rude bitch. It's amazing watching people like her act all cute and nice one second, and then act like a first class heel the next...
1:10 into the film, and for some reason there's still a whole bunch more left to this... why?? WHY?!!!
After talking to her dumbass friends about why she was stood up, and they think its some rooftop killer or something stupid like that, I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention...
She fires off a sappy email, and Tom re-thinks ignoring her bitch-ness. Oh Tom.. why couldn't you just have ignored her and let the movie end....
On a more positive note, Meg decides to close down fairyland, and the old Granny mentions she bought intel at 6 (you are one smart old granny ya know that...).
Fast forwarding on, Meg's supposed boyfriend tells her that he basically thinks she's great, but doesn't want to be with her (because she's such a tool and nobody likes her, because she smells). The scene is ridiculous, and couples never ever ever act like that when parting ways, even if it is mutual, there is atleast one or two exchanges of $%@# and #@$%@$ and $#$#$@@@.. so really... lame lame lame...
Meg walks into FOX bookstore, and see's just how amazingly awesome it is compared to her crappy store. and realizes that she was completely outclassed in every way..... TASTE IT BITCH!!!
The next scene is lame... Yep, Tom finally leaves his horrible bitch girlfriend.... Goes to his boat, and fires off yet another @#$%ing email to that lousy fart knocker Meg...
We're treated with seeing Meg's store empty as she closes it, because it went out of business, because she was stupid, and obviously didn't think about online advertising because she was too busy firing off mindless emails to Tom Hanks... Nice one dumbass...
1:31... Nearly there... It's taking every once of my willpower to fight Catatonia....
Tom's dad leaves his horrible bitch too, and we're grateful to not see anymore incestuous behavior... and Tom and his corporate cold hearted dad bond... In the most believable of ways... Although the ironic thing is that the step-mother ran off with another woman... yes... didn't see that coming did you... well at this point of the film, I don't think anyone really gives a $%#@ anyways...
From a comment his dad makes, he decides to go & see Meg, with flowers... and the scene is just bleh... Meg apparently is dealing with going out of business perfectly well.. And the conversation the two have is typical Meg Ryan "i'm perky and cute and for some reason people keep putting me in movies even though I can't act for @$#%"....
After he leaves, she decides they should meet (Her and her imaginary email buddy...lol).
They hang out for some weird reason, and of course, they enjoy each others company.. Despite her being a tool, and him putting her out of business...
It's almost over...Almost... Please God... give me the strength just to last afew more minutes...
1:53 minutes... Over the Rainbow kicks in... And I wish I was dead
1:54 minutes and Meg does her trademark sloppy kiss (who the $#%@ taught her to kiss anyways?), and the camera pans up the clouds (cameraman probably took his own life...).
The End.
Conclusion:
That was $#%@ing painful. Who in their right mind would find a movie like that entertaining is beyond me. My brain is numb, and I'm seriously contemplating taking legal action against the people who wrote this pile of feces...
Making fun of Meg Ryan might seem kinda mean, but in all honesty, this movie, she deserves every mean thing said about her. It's tactless, tasteless, bland, and quite frankly, about as romantic as a punch in the face, and about as funny as an encyclopedia...
Things I learnt from this movie:
After reviewing the horrible The Mist
we decided to review another absolute train wreck of a movie..The only thing more blood chilling and revolting then a Stephen King Movie, is a Meg Ryan movie.. And even worse, it's based on the so called Internet.... What the heck is that?
You've Got Mail
Is really a terrible movie...
Now devils advocate, you know how Hollywood has a knack for missing the label, and totally not being able to relate to the reality of anything that involves actual thinking power? Yep, this movie assumes you have no idea what the internet is, and what people use email for...
The movie starts with an admittedly cool if not geeky graphical intro, and then we're treated to seeing Meg Ryan & her love interest exchange a crap conversation, followed by Meg running in a retarded fasion to her laptop and logging into her AOL as if it were some amazing feat of technology... What year is this again???
She reads an email from "Brinkley" and we cut to our poor unfortunate star of the movie, Tom Hanks, and his lousy bitch of a girlfriend...
You've Got Mail
Is really a terrible movie...Now devils advocate, you know how Hollywood has a knack for missing the label, and totally not being able to relate to the reality of anything that involves actual thinking power? Yep, this movie assumes you have no idea what the internet is, and what people use email for...
The movie starts with an admittedly cool if not geeky graphical intro, and then we're treated to seeing Meg Ryan & her love interest exchange a crap conversation, followed by Meg running in a retarded fasion to her laptop and logging into her AOL as if it were some amazing feat of technology... What year is this again???
She reads an email from "Brinkley" and we cut to our poor unfortunate star of the movie, Tom Hanks, and his lousy bitch of a girlfriend...
"Shopgirl" (Meg "how did i become so famous" Ryan) walks around NY and heads to work, as does Tom, and at one point cross paths, because you know, in a city of millions, that kind of thing can happen because you know... love truimphs all.... Burp....
Tom arrives and talks to his buddy Dave Chappelle (he must have lost a bet, or really needed the money!), and they talk about some corporate crap and cappuccinos... Because you know... Corporate types love Cappuccinos and talking about business.... Good lord....Dave... Why on earth did you agree to be in this movie.. You don't even get to say Mother#$@%er!
There's talk of Cyber-Sex... now Meg's helper is kinda cute, but I really do not want to envision, Meg, Dumbass, or Granny doing the deed on their laptop...
After that we cut to Tom and his wonderful corporate father... It's funny... Why are all rich successful people shown as being yuppies with no heart, self centered and totally shallow and material? Don't allot of these people pay money to charities and do good things with their money? Richard Branson for example? This scene is pretty lame to say the least... They talk about stores going out of business and how Meg's store is gonna go belly up once their "Fox" bookstore opens up...... Boo-Hoo....
Then we see Meg sending an email, writing about her useless existence and Butterflies... Then Tom does the same thing.... This part of the movie is typical Meg Ryan... useless.... absolutely useless.... Who wrote this bloody movie? Megs mother?
After some mindless banter with Megs cohorts, we cut back to her & her "boyfriend" (their relationship is more like brother and sister..), and they talk about stupid crap and argue about him buying a typewriter, because you know, it's oldschool, use a laptop mofo....
Then his step-mother comes along and initiates an incestuous kiss... yuck.. but in retrospect, better then kissing Meg's Mug....
Then we're treated to seeing Tom Hanks act like Tom Hanks from "Big" (Oh god I wish I was watching that now instead of this crap...), and take his kids to some nice festival market type thing in the streets. Of course they end up in Meg's fairyland bookstore, where she's reading a book to kids... and the kids are quietly listening.... I shit you not, they're all sitting dead quiet and listening... Since when do kids behave like this? Usually every 5 seconds you need to tell one to "Shad Daaa Fugg Up!!".....
Tom feels guilty of course because they nearly find out who he is (evil corporate destroyer of fairyland book stores!), and the scene is well... All I can say is Tom must have hit the vodka hard to get through that scene without asking these douches to consider a re-write.....
29 minutes into the movie... I can hear my brain cells screaming in agony......
The fox bookstore opens up, and you know what? It looks like a really nice store. Fresh cakes, merchandise, nice layout... Honestly, If I had to choose between the two, Meg's dusty fag store can burn in hell....
There's a huge flaw in the next scene, where Granny proclaims they made 1200 less that week then last year... now... Devils advocate here... what crappy dusty kids bookstore makes 1200 a week? I mean really.. If it were a general bookstore sure.. but kids bookstores in NY.. Do you guys really make around 1200 a week despite being tiny and outdated? ... Heck, do you still even exist?
The next scene of the movie is a no brainer. Meg and her Broth...er...Boyfriend go to a dinner party type thing and of course, Tom's there with his bitch... And of course they meet.. And Tom tries to avoid her finding out who he is...and Meg naturally finds out his name isn't just Joe..
The exchange between then when she finds out is flat out terrible... Tom deals with it like a tool... talks about the Godfather... And generally doesn't give a crap.. and Meg acts like Meg Ryan... Stupid... daft.. petty... and lame...
Then Meg lectures him about stealing caviar garnishes.. Ok... Shoot him! The Fiend!!!
#$%@ing shoot me too while you're at it...
Admittedly when he puts that stuck up cow in her place, it's actually quite gratifying & he certainly hit her over the head. Her brother comes along and so does Tom's Bitch, and well, the cliche here almost gave me Cancer...
Tom passes at having sex with his druggie bitch girlfriend, to send Meg an email about how horrible he felt about telling Meg what a tool she is.... Seriously...
The email exchanges in this movie are painful... they sound like IM, not Email.. and seriously... AOL had Instant Messaging capability, they didn't need to exchange mindlessly useless emails of crap...
The following scenes are so lame I'm not even going to acknowledge their existence in this review...
Tom hanks charms Rose the bitchy checkout girl... because Meg's a total idiot and nobody likes her.. Which is followed by Tom's aunt singing, and his step mother trying to molest him.... Seriously... What the heck is going on here..... Is that supposedly funny? Kids singing badly and incest supposed to make me chuckle?
We then see Meg & her douche bag comrades enjoying Thanksgiving together..... This movie is giving me Gas... I wish I could bottle it up & send it to the writers (Drink my fart you bitches!!)
The next scene more or less makes you realize how stupid this movie is... Tom IM's her.. and they have a conversation via IM, which is more or less the same as their EMAILS.....yawn...... The conversation is daft.. lame...crap... and in all honesty, there was not one mention of Boobies....at all (which never happens in IM...).The crap that goes on is stupid and once again... Cliche... Why god do I have to watch this??
After seeing that, Tom decides to do the smart thing and run home & avoid sitting with that god awful actress... Yes Meg, you're alone, and nobody likes you... You smell!!!
Then Tom for some stupid reason decides to walk in, and sit with her. We're glad he does, because she acts like a totally rude bitch. It's amazing watching people like her act all cute and nice one second, and then act like a first class heel the next...
1:10 into the film, and for some reason there's still a whole bunch more left to this... why?? WHY?!!!
After talking to her dumbass friends about why she was stood up, and they think its some rooftop killer or something stupid like that, I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention...
On a more positive note, Meg decides to close down fairyland, and the old Granny mentions she bought intel at 6 (you are one smart old granny ya know that...).
Fast forwarding on, Meg's supposed boyfriend tells her that he basically thinks she's great, but doesn't want to be with her (because she's such a tool and nobody likes her, because she smells). The scene is ridiculous, and couples never ever ever act like that when parting ways, even if it is mutual, there is atleast one or two exchanges of $%@# and #@$%@$ and $#$#$@@@.. so really... lame lame lame...
Meg walks into FOX bookstore, and see's just how amazingly awesome it is compared to her crappy store. and realizes that she was completely outclassed in every way..... TASTE IT BITCH!!!The next scene is lame... Yep, Tom finally leaves his horrible bitch girlfriend.... Goes to his boat, and fires off yet another @#$%ing email to that lousy fart knocker Meg...
We're treated with seeing Meg's store empty as she closes it, because it went out of business, because she was stupid, and obviously didn't think about online advertising because she was too busy firing off mindless emails to Tom Hanks... Nice one dumbass...
1:31... Nearly there... It's taking every once of my willpower to fight Catatonia....
After he leaves, she decides they should meet (Her and her imaginary email buddy...lol).
They hang out for some weird reason, and of course, they enjoy each others company.. Despite her being a tool, and him putting her out of business...
It's almost over...Almost... Please God... give me the strength just to last afew more minutes...
1:53 minutes... Over the Rainbow kicks in... And I wish I was dead
1:54 minutes and Meg does her trademark sloppy kiss (who the $#%@ taught her to kiss anyways?), and the camera pans up the clouds (cameraman probably took his own life...).
The End.
Conclusion:
That was $#%@ing painful. Who in their right mind would find a movie like that entertaining is beyond me. My brain is numb, and I'm seriously contemplating taking legal action against the people who wrote this pile of feces...
Making fun of Meg Ryan might seem kinda mean, but in all honesty, this movie, she deserves every mean thing said about her. It's tactless, tasteless, bland, and quite frankly, about as romantic as a punch in the face, and about as funny as an encyclopedia...
Things I learnt from this movie:
- Not one single... Fucking... Thing....
Insane review! Very detailed! Would love to have The Departed reviewed. :)
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